Jody Hammer adjusted her earpiece, and smiled her most ingratiating smile. “Here on Celebrity Big Brother today we have Bono and Professor Vince Sky, to discuss another environmentally-friendly invention. This one comes from bio-geneticist Chocolate Harvey. She calls it ‘The Smibble’.” Jody petted a Smibble on the table in front of her. “It looks very sweet Miss Harvey, but seriously, can this small, cute furry creature really save the planet?”
Choc swallowed hard and stuffed her shaking hands in her pockets. “It may look cute Jody, but this little creature is a serious contribution to science and the fight to save the planet.”
“Oh please!” Vince Sky rolled his eyes. Bono picked up a Smibble which twittered at him and hopped back onto the table. Bono smiled.
“The Smibble is the first carbon-negative organism on the planet,” continued Choc.
Jody adopted a serious expression. “Could you tell us what you mean by carbon-negative?” she asked.
“The Smibbles are programmed with the level of pre-industrial revolution CO2. If the level in the local environment exceeds this, the Smibble will simply absorb anything over that level through its fur and thus reduce CO2 levels within that environment.” Choc wriggled as sweat began to run down her back.
“Sounds very useful,” said Jody. “Professor Sky, what do you think of this idea?”
“It’s preposterous!” said Vince, throwing up his hands. “There’s absolutely no way you are going to persuade me that this tiny thing can cope with, say, the emissions from a car exhaust.”
“All of my data is publicly available,” said Choc. On the table in front of her a couple of Smibbles had begun headbutting each other, Bono pulled them apart, they ignored him and carried on.
“How do you expect them to cope in a factory setting?” asked Vince.
“That’s not the situation they were designed for,” said Choc, growing flustered.
“So, you expect the ordinary person in the street to cut their carbon emissions, while big polluters and the 1% carry on pouring toxins and dangerous gases into the atmosphere? How will that help save the world?”
“In tandem with other ideas, the Smibble will be a great addition to the modern lifestyle,” explained Choc, gritting her teeth.
On the table, the Smibbles were in an all-out fight now. As Bono tried to separate them once more, pieces of fur came away in his hands. A look of horror spread across his face as the Smibbles disintegrated in front of him.
“You see!” Vince cried triumphantly. “They can’t even cope with an ordinary situation like this.”
“This is not an ordinary situation,” retorted Choc. “Normal people do not live in TV studios.”
“Why?” Vince demanded. “Why would anyone invest in cheap rubbish that literally falls apart in your hands?”
Behind him, a grim and embarrassed Bono carefully wiped pieces of fur onto his trousers.